Haircuts
Golly. It's been a while, what with Burns night, haggis, going back to work and generally filling my days hobbling around Oxford, I haven't had the chance to post anything, for which I can only apologise - to you, but also to myself. I feel ashamed.
Haircuts, though, they're a bit rubbish, aren't they? I got mine snipped on Saturday, and I'm beginning to think the whole thing was a terrible mistake. Speaking as somone with very curly, slightly gingery, fairly rubbish hair, haircuts aren't exactly my favourite thing. For years now I've taken to growing my hair til it gets like a horrible shaggy mop (think that TOTAL IDIOT from Toploader) and then brutally shaving it off so I look like an evil Nazi, just to avoid having to go through with the whole ordeal.
Just about the worst thing about haircuts is having to look at yourself in the mirror for anything up to half-an-hour, or even more if I'm having a particularly bad Toploader moment. Now, I've worked out I probably look in the mirror for approximately 30 seconds in an average a day, and even then I'm not really focusing on anything, just brushing my teeth angrily. This suits me fine - I get to believe I'm an inoffensively not-ugly, almost-handsome sortaguy, and my confidence remains in tact.
One thing guaranteed to shatter that confidence in a thrice is a haircut, with those giant, unforgiving mirrors and brighter-than-bright lights reflecting back a very jaded (and ugly) me - bloodshot eyes, hungover skin, terrible facial hair that you thought made you look rugged, and features that somehow look a combination of too big, too far apart, too pointy, too squashed and too sticking out, all at the same time. By the time I get out, I've been reduced to a tearful wreck, unable to look anyone in the eye or be seen out in public before dark again.
But I'm aware that this makes me sound like a massive girl, so I won't go on. Mind you, it's no wonder that girls suffer from low self-esteem and over-awareness of their own shortcomings - they spend far too much of their time analysing themselves in front of mirrors. Conversely, it's also why some boys have such inexplicably high levels of confidence and believe that woman should fall at their feet - they have no idea how truly, offensively ugly they are.
Anyway, other rubbish things about haircuts:
- they remind you that you should really do something about your dandruff
- they only ever have copies of the Daily Mail or FHM to read while you wait
- male barbers only ever know how to do a short back and sides
- you can tell that most female hairdressers hate cutting curly hair, even though they'll tell you how lovely it is and that they'd love to have curly hair themselves
- you always get some rubbish sub-taxi-driver chat, and all you want to do is shout at the hairdresser that they're cutting it ALL WRONG
- your hair ALWAYS looked better before you got it cut, whatever anyone at work / your girlfriend says
- you're always hungover
- they give you a cold neck / ears
- your Mum won't like it.
Can you think of any more? Well, can you? I'd like to see you try.
Haircuts, though, they're a bit rubbish, aren't they? I got mine snipped on Saturday, and I'm beginning to think the whole thing was a terrible mistake. Speaking as somone with very curly, slightly gingery, fairly rubbish hair, haircuts aren't exactly my favourite thing. For years now I've taken to growing my hair til it gets like a horrible shaggy mop (think that TOTAL IDIOT from Toploader) and then brutally shaving it off so I look like an evil Nazi, just to avoid having to go through with the whole ordeal.
Just about the worst thing about haircuts is having to look at yourself in the mirror for anything up to half-an-hour, or even more if I'm having a particularly bad Toploader moment. Now, I've worked out I probably look in the mirror for approximately 30 seconds in an average a day, and even then I'm not really focusing on anything, just brushing my teeth angrily. This suits me fine - I get to believe I'm an inoffensively not-ugly, almost-handsome sortaguy, and my confidence remains in tact.
One thing guaranteed to shatter that confidence in a thrice is a haircut, with those giant, unforgiving mirrors and brighter-than-bright lights reflecting back a very jaded (and ugly) me - bloodshot eyes, hungover skin, terrible facial hair that you thought made you look rugged, and features that somehow look a combination of too big, too far apart, too pointy, too squashed and too sticking out, all at the same time. By the time I get out, I've been reduced to a tearful wreck, unable to look anyone in the eye or be seen out in public before dark again.
But I'm aware that this makes me sound like a massive girl, so I won't go on. Mind you, it's no wonder that girls suffer from low self-esteem and over-awareness of their own shortcomings - they spend far too much of their time analysing themselves in front of mirrors. Conversely, it's also why some boys have such inexplicably high levels of confidence and believe that woman should fall at their feet - they have no idea how truly, offensively ugly they are.
Anyway, other rubbish things about haircuts:
- they remind you that you should really do something about your dandruff
- they only ever have copies of the Daily Mail or FHM to read while you wait
- male barbers only ever know how to do a short back and sides
- you can tell that most female hairdressers hate cutting curly hair, even though they'll tell you how lovely it is and that they'd love to have curly hair themselves
- you always get some rubbish sub-taxi-driver chat, and all you want to do is shout at the hairdresser that they're cutting it ALL WRONG
- your hair ALWAYS looked better before you got it cut, whatever anyone at work / your girlfriend says
- you're always hungover
- they give you a cold neck / ears
- your Mum won't like it.
Can you think of any more? Well, can you? I'd like to see you try.
Labels: Haircuts
posted by Badger at 8:16 PM
3 comments
