Stags
Today's rant: why are stag dos so over the top these days? Time was (admittedly not in my time) when a few beers down the pub, followed by something suitably embarrassing involving dressing up / stripping / dodgy nightclubs would suffice. Now people want a whole weekend, usually abroad, with water sports, karting, shooting and all manner of expensive shenaniganery on top. I've been invited on one today and I really I want to go to see the ol' blighter off in style, but I just can't afford it (Berlin, flights, hotel, nightclubs etc). Ho hum.
If I ever get married, my stag do would look something like this:
(all times subject to change)
12.00 pm: meet at the Swan for initial round of Guinness, whisky and singing
2.00: epic game of football with the Street and mates on Sandy Lane
4.00: epic rendition of Hail Hail in the Lane showers
4.30: retire to the Swan to see how the Town got on
5.00: pub snacks (cheese, bits of lukewarm pie) provided by Dick
6.00: more Guinness, whisky and maybe even some Limoncello
7.00: pizza and tiramisu
8.00: get the badger costumes, banjos, guitars, harmonicas, triangles, maracas and child drum kits out
9.00: sing, shout, dance, boogie
10.00: amusing round of drunken speeches
11.00: maybe get that rough stripper from Martin's 50th to do her, err, bit
12.00 am: run down Cowley Road in badger costumers, jumping on nearest available post box
2.00: epic group-performance of Golden Slumbers involving aforementioned instruments
3.00: stumble down the high street, frightening students with ferocious singing and badger impersonations
3.30: arrange traffic cones in amusing shape on Carfax
4.00: pass out in neighbour's garden, cheesy chips on lap, very drunk and very happy.
What more could you possibly want? Eh?
If I ever get married, my stag do would look something like this:
(all times subject to change)
12.00 pm: meet at the Swan for initial round of Guinness, whisky and singing
2.00: epic game of football with the Street and mates on Sandy Lane
4.00: epic rendition of Hail Hail in the Lane showers
4.30: retire to the Swan to see how the Town got on
5.00: pub snacks (cheese, bits of lukewarm pie) provided by Dick
6.00: more Guinness, whisky and maybe even some Limoncello
7.00: pizza and tiramisu
8.00: get the badger costumes, banjos, guitars, harmonicas, triangles, maracas and child drum kits out
9.00: sing, shout, dance, boogie
10.00: amusing round of drunken speeches
11.00: maybe get that rough stripper from Martin's 50th to do her, err, bit
12.00 am: run down Cowley Road in badger costumers, jumping on nearest available post box
2.00: epic group-performance of Golden Slumbers involving aforementioned instruments
3.00: stumble down the high street, frightening students with ferocious singing and badger impersonations
3.30: arrange traffic cones in amusing shape on Carfax
4.00: pass out in neighbour's garden, cheesy chips on lap, very drunk and very happy.
What more could you possibly want? Eh?
Labels: badgers, Black Swan, Stag do, Union Street
posted by Badger at 2:42 PM
4 Comments:
I would very much like to come to that party. Where can I get a ticket? Dick called me 'lads' last night but 'Keith' today. What is going on?
See what he calls you on Saturday afternoon, that's the acid test. Incidentally, what is an 'acid test'? Does it involve hallucinogens and GCSEs?
He wasn't about. What do you make of that?
He was out the back, tripping out on Magic Mushrooms. He does that, you know. That's what he's doing before he brings out the cheese and pies.
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