Rubbish
Oh, I'm so tired today - I got zilcho sleep last night. Thanks in no small part to doing absolutely naff all for two weeks, I think my brain has gone into overdrive - and a speeding brain is no good when you want some zzzzzs. I ended up listening to England v New Zealand on Radio 4 LW (no digital radio for me, you see) til 3.00 am.
I was so awake and bored I even texted in to the TMS people - and it got read out LIVE on radio (something like: "Listening in bed recovering from a knee op - great to hear Vaughan back from a knee injury blah blah di blah. Ben from Swindon"). Seems my radio career isn't over yet, huh?
But back to the RUBBISH STUFF we should put in Room 101 - Yr Chairman has crafted some gems which I wanted to share with you, as well as a few more I've dreamt up. We REALLY HATE these things...
The song Take My Breath Away from Top Gun
Crop tops for toddlers
Vacuum packed screws
Impossible-to-open hard plastic packaging for miscellaneous electrical items from Comet
Tiny 'funky' plastic dustbins
Sharon Osborne
Tracking orders on the internet that tell you what time your order was received at some distribution centre in Harlow but not when you'll actually get it
Australian cricketers' nicknames
Footballers who kiss their rings when they score
Thierry Henry looking all serious and arrogant when he scores
Tiny open decks on ferries
Old people in the Post Office early in the morning
Footballers who suck their thumbs when they score
Vanilla Ice
Rubbish disposable razors with two blunt blades that only your Dad seems able to use without turning his face into a blotchy mess
Carpets in toilets
Free DVDs of Allo Allo in the Star
Old men's combs
Giblets
Not being able to get to sleep
People who tell you how well they slept when you tell them you had a really bad night's kip
Massive four-page "books of the year" articles in broadsheet newspapers, where hundreds of poncey people you've never heard of tell you that they read some book about some ancient politician (who you've also never heard of) which was "just brilliant"
Cheese Flavoured Moments
Fosters
Tequila
Shopping on Saturdays
The queues in Boots
Microsoft Word
Tight people, esp. people who leave a group meal early and don't leave enough money
Shaving
Ironing
Pubs with too many TVs in them
So, what do you think? Anything to add?
I was so awake and bored I even texted in to the TMS people - and it got read out LIVE on radio (something like: "Listening in bed recovering from a knee op - great to hear Vaughan back from a knee injury blah blah di blah. Ben from Swindon"). Seems my radio career isn't over yet, huh?
But back to the RUBBISH STUFF we should put in Room 101 - Yr Chairman has crafted some gems which I wanted to share with you, as well as a few more I've dreamt up. We REALLY HATE these things...
The song Take My Breath Away from Top Gun
Crop tops for toddlers
Vacuum packed screws
Impossible-to-open hard plastic packaging for miscellaneous electrical items from Comet
Tiny 'funky' plastic dustbins
Sharon Osborne
Tracking orders on the internet that tell you what time your order was received at some distribution centre in Harlow but not when you'll actually get it
Australian cricketers' nicknames
Footballers who kiss their rings when they score
Thierry Henry looking all serious and arrogant when he scores
Tiny open decks on ferries
Old people in the Post Office early in the morning
Footballers who suck their thumbs when they score
Vanilla Ice
Rubbish disposable razors with two blunt blades that only your Dad seems able to use without turning his face into a blotchy mess
Carpets in toilets
Free DVDs of Allo Allo in the Star
Old men's combs
Giblets
Not being able to get to sleep
People who tell you how well they slept when you tell them you had a really bad night's kip
Massive four-page "books of the year" articles in broadsheet newspapers, where hundreds of poncey people you've never heard of tell you that they read some book about some ancient politician (who you've also never heard of) which was "just brilliant"
Cheese Flavoured Moments
Fosters
Tequila
Shopping on Saturdays
The queues in Boots
Microsoft Word
Tight people, esp. people who leave a group meal early and don't leave enough money
Shaving
Ironing
Pubs with too many TVs in them
So, what do you think? Anything to add?
posted by Badger at 12:52 PM
5 Comments:
I disagree. I like some of those things:
Giblets: can make a lovely stock. You wouldn't be dissing it if I turned up on your doorstep with a nice bowl of chicken soup. Though you might quickly close it.
Fosters: I used to despise this too but the Black Swan brought me 'round, on a Thursday night after football, sitting outside....mmmm.
Books of the year lists: fantastic
Some of them are actually things that are rubbish, but make me laugh, which is good. These include:
Vanilla Ice
Thierry Henry's serious celebration. Especially when he points into the stand as if f'ing Albert Camus is there appreciating an existentialist moment with him, but 'from the other side'
Old men's combs
Not sleeping though, that's bad. I find reading a very dull book helps.
You're so wrong about Fosters. Anything that isn't atually Australian but advertises itself as such has got to have something wrong with it.
Love your Henry - Camus moment. Genius.
Know what you mean about giblets, but Yr Chairman wanted that in. Plus they look horrid.
Gimme some of yours then, matt-boy.
Yes - I get your point about the Australian thing. I dislike Australia and its things in general. I may never touch a pint of Fosters again.
Not sleeping would be near top of mine, but I fear I may not know the half of it.
People who say things like: 'what's that all about' and other gimicky 'of-the-moment' phrases such as 'bigsmall' (someone at my work gave a serious talk with this name the other day - what a joke) that have probably come from an advert or are being foisted on us by the worst elements of the Guardian.
Hearing phrases like this a few years later being used by someone serious, like Jeremy Paxman or Price Charles.
People nowadays who moan about stuff that goes on nowadays, as if they're not involved.
The Guardian, on a Saturday mostly and particularly the 'lifestyle' bits.
DIY
Young people who tell you they've never been in a post office
Hotels - they are RUBBISH. If they can charge that much for a crap room and putting a point in the bog-roll, imagine how much I could charge people to stay at mine, make a cup of tea, play some tunes, maybe offer them a chair...
Icing on cakes
Some great stuff there, Matt boy. With you on the lifestyle bits of The Guardian, but I'm quite partial to the rest of it. Icing is the pits. Hotels - hadn't thought of that before, damn right dude. They are crap aren't they? And it's always a hassle trying to find a good one, when they're all the same and rubbish anyway.
Bigsmall? What's that all about??
???
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